That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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