I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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