it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
