We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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