I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
