If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
