wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
