That's intense
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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