My Higher Power is John Stamos
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
