Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize