R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
