My liver just broke up with me...
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
