I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
