with your own penis?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
