he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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