Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
