Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
