just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
