my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
