Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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