I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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