make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You ruined the universe
Randomize
