On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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