It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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