Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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