I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
