They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
