Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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