I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
