I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
