you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
