She's JV to your varsity
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
