if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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