I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
