Moan for me like Helen Keller
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
