I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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