Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
