I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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