Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
