420 ftw
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
