i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
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