I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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