I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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