If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
