new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
