My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
