we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
