He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
