Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize