I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
