Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
