NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize