i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
