I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Randomize
