We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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