what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
As shirtless as possible
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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