Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
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