Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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