ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
