Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
