Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
