I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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