I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
